I went home for the holidays (which end sooner each time) and I have to say, staying some kilometers away from your house is not as cool as everyone makes it out to be.
Now, if it were my friends going home, they are greeted and fed and pampered to no end. I , on the other hand, am given chores. I am woken up at 5 am on a holiday. I also have to endure a couple of pissed off people who pass off as my neighbors.
So there is this husband. And there is the wife. And a son who is still in school I believe. The husband has bouts of utter rage where all he does is beat the crap out of the lady and yells and shouts a lot. And my folks sleep peacefully in the other corner, while this woman’s screams torment me to no end in the wee hours of the morning .
What do they fight about? I don’t know. I don’t care either. But domestic violence is something that I find supremely appalling. I don’t even know how to help that woman because each time my folks try to talk to her, she ends up being rude. So maybe she doesn’t want intervention? It’s weird alright!
And thus- this post ladies & gentlemen, is going to be a set of questions you ask yourself before choosing a husband.
(I took the liberty of mentioning Indian husband, because I have absolutely no idea about other countries. Also our people have the custom of arranged marriage – unlike most countries we know and try to ape)
Alright, let’s dive right in!
Questions you could ask yourself before choosing an Indian husband:
Do you want to get married?
If yes, then proceed. If no, then please spend a year in deep thought over why are you choosing a husband in the first place.
Are you comfortable with large groups of people invading your life regularly?
Expect large hordes of people to come and go as they please while you are the mercy of “in-laws” and other paraphernalia
Speaking of in-laws - that's a different universe altogether, and will not get covered here.
Do you like cooking?
If you look forward to cooking everyday, without fail, come rain or snow – whether you are at the brink of death, or already an ethereal ghost, then read on.
Do you like cooking fantastical dishes and getting brutally honest critiquing?
The husband is a creature that will leave no stone unturned in pointing out every little flaw with whatever he sees. He might go out to a restaurant where they have zero hygiene. He might go through garbage pails even – but still it is his heavenly duty to criticize what you cook. If you value negative feedback, read on…
Do you like cooking when you are tired, overworked and just want to sleep?
This is just an iteration of the previous 2 points. Also if you really like cooking so much, you could apply and probably win MasterChef. It's a cooking show. Look it up.
Would you be okay asking for permission for everything you do, and every breath you take?
People love the feeling of power, of control over lesser beings. Get ready to be the lesser being. You will be expected to ask permission for everything – from what to wear, to whether you are allowed to go home for the holidays. Ha ha, I am just kidding. There are no holidays here. You are a slave for life.
Will you be fine if all decision making (like having children) is not in your hands, i.e., someone else makes your life’s choices for you?
Remember how you are a lesser being? This is part of that package. This is what happens to cattle. (yes…yes I went there)
Are you okay with occasional physical abuse which is later justified as your fault?
This is something else that’s very highly prevalent in India. Now if you were to ask me about it I would say NO. I am NOT okay. In fact NOBODY should be. But turns out, this decision is in your hands. If you feel that someone else is justified to beat the crap out of you, go right ahead and get hitched. Remember, these entitled individuals will mask their so-ugly-only-their-mama-could-love-them personalities under a façade of lovey-dovey, jealous man-of-your-dreams aura.
1 Are you willing to give up on childish “dreams” that you dare conjure?
Iterating on the fact that you are a lesser being – you are expected to put the husband (your divine Lord) on a pedestal. Selfless serving is key here people. Actually if you think about it, most women should go to heaven because selfless seva? That’s like their whole sorry life. Your dreams, interests and aspirations take a backseat. And if you feel like you want this sort of a make-over of your soul (hey, if depression and darkness are what you need who am I to stop you!) then go on and get married already!
In conclusion :
If you are the sort of person who wants to be taken care of, who wants someone to tell her what to do and what not to do, who likes being controlled and suppressed on a regular basis, and in some cases – who thinks it’s okay for anyone else to raise their hand on her – marriage is for you. Go right ahead and pick’em off the shelf.
If you are the sort of person who wants to be independent, who wants to explore, have adventures, not have to answer unnecessary questions, who wants to care for the people she likes, and who basically would like to live an intelligent biological form – run away! (Or pick someone wisely – although that’s a thing to discuss on some other day)
This is in no way a comprehensive list. and feel free to add your questions in the comments!
PS: for all you guys out there who might read my blog, there is hope for you too! The upcoming posts should also let you know what to ask yourself when choosing a wife. Although I am not sure you would want to.
See you soon!