Hard Wood
Good Day!
This post was something I have been planning to write for ages. However, as a proud procrastinator who thinks nothing of making up lame excuses - I have no regrets.
The story I tell you today is true. It involves people very dear to me. Code names Ahoy!
Protagonist of the incident(s) - purple
Person who confused us - kewlbabe
Person who gave best punchlines - undecided
and various mute spectators
If you have ever watched Honest Trailers by ScreenJunkies on YouTube , do try telling these in the awesome voice used by those guys. It feels great!
If you haven't seen or heard of them - WATCH NOW. Seriously.
Now Purple has this slightly annoying, creepy and honestly - ohmagawdIamgonnadienow- terrifying way of knocking doors.
When I knock on someone's door, I beat a nice tune (tuneless more like) for people to know its me. Or some other annoying member of our gang.
Atleast a nice sharp rap with your knuckles. Or probably just scream their name in the corridor. Or both. I dunno, basically most of us hope to be identified as a human with limited time- as someone who has come to seek you out with good intentions. Or it could be because we treated doors like doors.
Purple on the other hand - likes the door.
There I said it. She's probably gonna kill me now. But whatever. :p
When she knocks(taps?) the door, you wouldn't hear it. Nah you would probably think there was something wrong with your ear the first time.
Then you would wonder - maybe you did hear something after all.
Then you would drop whatever you were doing and wait quietly (disquiet growing in your heart) and there! you would hear that soft tap again. Okay, by now if you are anything like me your overactive imagination would somehow reach to the conclusion that -
a. there's a small animal out there
b. there's a serial killer ghost waiting to murder you on the other side of the door.
Since small animals never give courtesy taps and usually try to stay away from humans, you reach the conclusion that b is the right option
So you fearfully ask - Who's there?
And then you would hear a mumble - Awake?
Which in my opinion confirms option b. Period. And yet, like those idiots in horror movies you would move closer to the door and ask the same question, before opening it and seeing Purple.
Sigh.
All of this happened during the start of the year here. I once got out and asked her to knock it for me while I watched. And that's when i saw the problem- she refused to knock. Oh nooooo..knocking would hurt the door. She would tap it - nay- touch it softly with her fingers. She would pet it, lest it get injured. She would show a great and gentle love - admiring the blank door. She would pause a little. She (may) sing to it lightly and perhaps give it a soft kiss. (Okay now my death is imminent)
Once over dinner , we chanced upon this topic and there I was ranting about how a door is meant to be knocked sharply on. And then I dunno what did kewlbabe hear, but this is what went on -
kewlbabe - Oh yeah, and when you knock she just says aaaaaauuughhh loudly.
Me- (did not hear it well) hey yeah she actually does that too!
Kewlbabe - it's like she doesn't say coming or whatever just an aaah
Me- hold on. why would she say that if she is the one knocking?
undecided (hehe that is her name for now) - Yeah Purple likes hard wood.
utter silence
And then -
ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE
Me- Oh that explains everything
kewlbabe - yeah it totally does. What sort of hard wood though?
undecided - you know - hard wood?
Me- (the scion of immaturity) yeah.... hard wood..
And all of us fall around her in peals of laughter.
Mute spectators try hard to not listen to us, but you can see that they are trying too hard and have red faces resulting from the effort.
Purple. If you are reading this (and I know you will) , I will be unavailable until the time you have made peace with this. To be honest you were the one who was terrified by someone else knocking your door that way. So you know this was true. That's EXACTLY how it feels. So now you owe me a chocolate (yesssss). Come over sometime. Knock the door. Or make love to it (I shall not judge :D). But I might record it for posterity.
Bye!
PS. Killing is a crime. Please do not kill me.
This post was something I have been planning to write for ages. However, as a proud procrastinator who thinks nothing of making up lame excuses - I have no regrets.
The story I tell you today is true. It involves people very dear to me. Code names Ahoy!
Protagonist of the incident(s) - purple
Person who confused us - kewlbabe
Person who gave best punchlines - undecided
and various mute spectators
If you have ever watched Honest Trailers by ScreenJunkies on YouTube , do try telling these in the awesome voice used by those guys. It feels great!
If you haven't seen or heard of them - WATCH NOW. Seriously.
Now Purple has this slightly annoying, creepy and honestly - ohmagawdIamgonnadienow- terrifying way of knocking doors.
When I knock on someone's door, I beat a nice tune (tuneless more like) for people to know its me. Or some other annoying member of our gang.
Atleast a nice sharp rap with your knuckles. Or probably just scream their name in the corridor. Or both. I dunno, basically most of us hope to be identified as a human with limited time- as someone who has come to seek you out with good intentions. Or it could be because we treated doors like doors.
Purple on the other hand - likes the door.
There I said it. She's probably gonna kill me now. But whatever. :p
When she knocks(taps?) the door, you wouldn't hear it. Nah you would probably think there was something wrong with your ear the first time.
Then you would wonder - maybe you did hear something after all.
Then you would drop whatever you were doing and wait quietly (disquiet growing in your heart) and there! you would hear that soft tap again. Okay, by now if you are anything like me your overactive imagination would somehow reach to the conclusion that -
a. there's a small animal out there
b. there's a serial killer ghost waiting to murder you on the other side of the door.
Since small animals never give courtesy taps and usually try to stay away from humans, you reach the conclusion that b is the right option
So you fearfully ask - Who's there?
And then you would hear a mumble - Awake?
Which in my opinion confirms option b. Period. And yet, like those idiots in horror movies you would move closer to the door and ask the same question, before opening it and seeing Purple.
Sigh.
All of this happened during the start of the year here. I once got out and asked her to knock it for me while I watched. And that's when i saw the problem- she refused to knock. Oh nooooo..knocking would hurt the door. She would tap it - nay- touch it softly with her fingers. She would pet it, lest it get injured. She would show a great and gentle love - admiring the blank door. She would pause a little. She (may) sing to it lightly and perhaps give it a soft kiss. (Okay now my death is imminent)
Once over dinner , we chanced upon this topic and there I was ranting about how a door is meant to be knocked sharply on. And then I dunno what did kewlbabe hear, but this is what went on -
kewlbabe - Oh yeah, and when you knock she just says aaaaaauuughhh loudly.
Me- (did not hear it well) hey yeah she actually does that too!
Kewlbabe - it's like she doesn't say coming or whatever just an aaah
Me- hold on. why would she say that if she is the one knocking?
undecided (hehe that is her name for now) - Yeah Purple likes hard wood.
utter silence
And then -
ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE
Me- Oh that explains everything
kewlbabe - yeah it totally does. What sort of hard wood though?
undecided - you know - hard wood?
Me- (the scion of immaturity) yeah.... hard wood..
And all of us fall around her in peals of laughter.
Mute spectators try hard to not listen to us, but you can see that they are trying too hard and have red faces resulting from the effort.
Purple. If you are reading this (and I know you will) , I will be unavailable until the time you have made peace with this. To be honest you were the one who was terrified by someone else knocking your door that way. So you know this was true. That's EXACTLY how it feels. So now you owe me a chocolate (yesssss). Come over sometime. Knock the door. Or make love to it (I shall not judge :D). But I might record it for posterity.
Bye!
PS. Killing is a crime. Please do not kill me.
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